2nd post of the day
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
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this picture will be of use later cause it may somehow concern what i am gonna say

later. and because this is what i really want when i grow up, to visit all the

sunsets/sunrise with my love.



and if you watched "fei tian xi shi", you will know that if you see things with different

pespectives, you will get different answers. in this case, sunrise and sunset.




someone asked me a very interesting question in midst of our conversation today.

this person is a guy and i thought that he really needs understanding of girls. no

names will be mentioned because this person said he didn want his name to be. we

were talking about like if something real sad happen to a girl, i as a girl, will want to

meet up with the friend. but this friend of mine, said that he will rather just settle it on

the phone and save the hassle.





my pespective as the victim(girls) :

if i am really done, especiallly something sad happened, i will really want to meet up

with my friends and tell them about my problems. telling someone or a group of

friends whom you trust really helps when you are down. even if your friends can't

helpl you with what you are facing, at least telling someone is better because at least

you will have a load off your heart.





my pespective as the victim's friend(girl) :

i will definitely ask my friend out, regardless of whether we are gonna talk things or

whether we going to have some fun. i just dont want my friend to be sad, even for a

short period of time. perhaps maybe a chat cheers her up? then the transport and

begging of your parents to let you out really doesn't really matter anymore. its just a

smile that matters as the phrase goes," action speaks louder than words". and, it has

always been a "responsibilty" of yourself, as a friend to consosle your friend( a good

one especially) when they are really done. thats what i always thought.





my pespective as the victim's friend(guy) :

should i call her or message her? or maybe i shouldnt even contact her. thats whats in

a typicals guy's mind. they are in decisive, always wanting simplicity. or put in an

uglier tone, they are pure lazy. they dont even really give a damn if their friend is

down and just talk whats on their mind, and thats what i call being straightforward.

straightforward can be a good thing and bad thing but i shant elaborate on that since

my topic is on whats everyone's mind. guys, i really got a lot to say. i once asked the

same guy who had this conv. with me," why is it that you guys wanna make things so

awkard and cant just end it well and peacefully?" and the guy told me,"because we

guys wanna end it cool." i gotta nothing to reply and kept thinking about this for the

next few days.

i had this question was because i told a guy i really loved that i love him but he told me

to just give up and stuff. and after that, he ignored me for quite some time. and i really

dont get whats on his mind in that point in time. i feel like a fool now thinking about

it. i was so lost that i totally didn know what to do and my academic start dropping,

because of this guy. and that guy ignored me for exactly 4 months, before we started

talking to each other again. those 4 months were really crucial to me, which thought

me that guys are heartless but yet they make you love them. even though i tried to

give up on a guy i know i shouldn love, but i still cant. and after the 4 months, i even

lied to him that i gave up. the lie carried on and i cant stand it anymore. finally, i told

him again that i didn give up. he was stunned. he told me to give up again and stuff.

and i think we didn talk for a month again, i think. finally, i knew this cant carry on, i

mustered up all my courage and said that i really gave up which in fact i knew i didn

and was lying. he told me back after a few days that he really wants me to give up and

feels really sorry for me and that he understands how i feel to be rejected. he had been

in love before too. he was too rejected. i didn know what to say so i just said, oh okay.

Right now, i and the guy i am talking about are still friends, best friends. Even though

its still quite awkard between us, i know that i can only hide my feelings that i love

him and remain good friends with him.





My memories of this guy, theres gotta be a lot. i was arranged by my teacher that we

were supposed to sit together every lesson. thats how i know him. and amazingly, we

talked a lot. and thats when my feelings start to develop. Rumours also started and

teachers started talking about it. the teacher who arranged us startedeverything. this

caused a lot if unhappiness between us and our friends begun to address us by what

the rumours call. so when the homeroom system was paused, i was quite happy

because of not sitting with him, i have no more rumours. but, i realised one thing. i

am starting to miss the laughter and his presence, forever doing and saying funny

things that really makes my day. i missed all of those stuff. i knew then. i knew that

that i really loved him. we became so close for a period of time that we even sms each

other everyday, each time at least 30 sms-es.. i even foolishly made 'My happy

ending-Avril Lavigne' to be the song for my memory for him forever. i purposely

downloaded the song, set it as my ringtone, message alert, alarm ring, everything. i

just loved him and the song so much that i almost went crazy. my closer friends at

that point in time knew i was in love and asked if i was serious abt the guy. i was, i was

serious about him. i am always serious in relationships, especially since my last

break-up. i even broke up with my ex just because of this current guy. foolish me, isnt

it? Jesus so loved we people so he sent his one and only son to atone for our mistakes

and everything. at that point in time, i even swore that i wouldn mind dying for him

for i so love him. i even wrote my love for him on a small piece of paper and buried it

in the 'garden' downstairs of my house. right now, i dug it out again, put it another

piece of paper that wrote:'' because i love you so''.







there are still a lot of things that i didn want to write anymore. but i will always

remember that i loved a guy so much before and i will never forget for i made a lot of

sacrifices for him.

last thing i want to say is,

i love you forever and ever.

right now, the song that i love most is Big Big World by Emilia.